Another Delivery Fail

Well...once again, no baby.  No water breaking (and they aren't breaking it for me), and at last check it appears as though I might have gone backwards.  Who knows though...difference of opinion depending on the person doing the evaluation.

So waiting around in the delivery room, I did get to eat (and that was good), then I sat some more and Dr. Mercer came in.  Well, on cervical check, she reported that the baby was at -1 or -2 (wha?  she's going back up?!) and she downgraded to 5-6cm.

One complicating factor (other than she's only 35 weeks today), is that the NICU here is full.  Not that we'd "need" it, but they don't want to risk delivery and her needing it, and having to transfer baby somewhere else.  On the bright side, at least I only spent a handful of hours in L&D before going back to antepartum (and actually the same room that I was in this morning and yesterday!).

I'm really just getting kind of disconnected from the process and a bit despondent.  My hormones are going nuts all over the place, and anytime I get certain thoughts into my head, the tears start streaming (and I don't want it to happen...it just does!).  I can go from being happy or in an even mood to just losing it, and there's no good reason why.  I hate it, too, because it makes me totally unable to speak sometimes.  The nurse this morning was asking about medication that I had taken in the past and what I needed while in the hospital.  She saw the history of PPD in there (and they ask all the time), and so I asked her about starting Zoloft again before delivery (the doctor had suggested I start taking it before delivery when I was pregnant with Jared, and was glad I had prescription in hand for when I needed it...and I definitely needed it before delivery even...).  The nurse was going to ask the doctor about it so they could start giving it to me.  I asked the new nurse in antepartum when I got back about it...and she said she'd look too, but as I was asking I was crying.  And there was seriously nothing to cry about!

As of this evening...things are as they are.  During the evening monitoring, I was having contractions again (you don't say?)...and when I asked the nurse, she just mentioned that it was "alot...like one every few minutes".  No one wants to jump the gun, so just waiting to see if they go away or they get more painful.  Hopefully the universe gives me a sign!

Well, in any case...it looks like this little lady is going to bake a little bit longer...so happy 35 weeks!

Back to delivery...

I really don't want to jinx things by posting...but I'm back in a labor/delivery room again.

This morning in antepartum, they started monitoring again (after breakfast, like usual) and a few contractions came up.  I figured no big deal, it happens...and even with mad contractions, my cervix is just not cooperating enough (or it hadn't been).

After a few contractions, a nurse came to do a check (which was itself surprising...they've been holding off a bit) and she reported 7cm, still about 70-80% effaced, -1 station.  On calling the doctor, they softly decided to say they might break my water...and transfer me over to L&D again.  That was about 10am.

They did another blood draw, started antibiotics and I awaited Mike's arrival.  He got there about 11...just in time to pack up and go.

We got to L&D, hooked back up to monitors, and Megan and Monica came (yay!).  At this point, I'm not even watching the monitors...don't want to jinx things more. 

Another blood draw(2nd of the morning...yay she says sarcastically) and a resident comes by to check baby's position with a quick ultrasound.

Its just after 12:30pm now...this morning is a whirlwind!  Everyone went to get lunch and now just waiting on the attending (Dr. Mercer today). 

I think now I am the one who is the most disconnected... just going with the flow...I tell it like it is... :)

What I Do During the Day

Since I'm mixing things up a little bit with blog posts (I never know what's going to happen every day, so sometimes, especially these days, and in the days to come!) that I usually just go with the flow.  Report on the days happenings and things and call it good.

Anyway, today I was reflecting a little on what my typical day is like.  I've done this sort of post before on my other blog, but haven't done it here since I started on the whole bedrest thing.  And it's taken on a different flavor being cooped up in the hospital right now.  I do like routine, even if variety in the days events is nice.  Maybe it's more that I like knowing what the plan is ahead of schedule, even if it varies from day to day.  So here's a day in the life of Amy, hospital style.

I usually end up waking up at some early hour, way early to be healthy, and way earlier than I'd ever get up unless I had to.  Today I awoke the first time around 5:30am, which was pretty good...I was happy that I had gone about 5 1/2 hours straight sleeping!  I had the IV line going into my arm from last night, as my last dose of antibiotics started around 11:30pm, ran for a half hour and switched over to saline...the nurse didn't want to wake me up at midnight if I was sleeping just to stop the whole thing.

At 5:30, I buzzed the nurse, she took the fluid off, closed off my IV (still in my arm, for easy access), and I got up to use the bathroom and then back to bed.  I dozed a little bit until a resident came by after 6am.  I have to be somewhat coherent these days, just because they're always asking for details, and I end up with a new one each day so I sometimes have to fill them in on things a bit more.

The resident left, and I dozed off for a bit more...a few more hours until 7:30 when a nurse came to take my vitals.  Dozed off again a little more, and the new nurse for the day came by, did a few more vitals and brought breakfast around 9.

After breakfast, I sat around a little "digesting" and was doing a little cross stitch.  At 10am, the nurse came by to hook me up to the monitors for the NST (that was about 20 minutes long).  Nothing really odd to report (I think I had like 1 or 2 contractions the whole time!) and baby was happily doing her thing.

A little bit of looking at things on Facebook, chatting online and so on, and then Dr. Mayer came for a visit.  She asked how I felt about staying vs. going home (like most of the other doctors had), as she knew previously that I'd been upset before about having to stay and be away from Mike and the kids.  But this time I think everyone agreed that it was safer and more secure if I stayed.  So she put that plan into motion to keep me here at least for the time being...assuring me that the plans are subject to change if my own feelings on things change.

Right before 1, Megan and Pilar show up (and they grab food to have lunch up here), and Monica follows soon after too.  It was a good visit with them, definitely brightening things up and adding that bit of variety to my day.  Mike comes around 2:30 and we hang out and chat (funny being able to talk without interruptions from the kids...hehehe).  It took a little bit to get all of the permissions in order to go for a walk (there has to be a doctor's order saying it's OK!) and so after that came through, we took a trip to the cafeteria for a little bit before Mike had to leave to get the boys and go home for the night.

I'm expecting dinner here in a little bit (typical is around 6:30), then the shift change, a new check in vitals, and maybe another round of monitoring (although that hasn't been said, they usually just like to do that after dinner).

Maybe the longer I stay here (but, well, I hope that's not too long), the more the routine gets established and I hope I can just get used to a few things so I'm not struggling to get through the day.

Overall, my day, today, has been a mostly quiet one...not filled with a lot of drama, contractions and worry, and I really hope that it stays that way, and that this isn't just the calm before the storm (like it was the last time I was discharged!).

Entering a State of Confusion

I'm once again starting to lose track of my days...had to make sure that today is Tuesday (right?).  Well, the major news is that I managed to keep myself out of the hospital for ONE WHOLE DAY.

Anyway, Monday (yesterday), I had a "regular" doctor's appointment, and there really wasn't a whole lot to report (no one wants to check my cervix for fear of breaking my water, irritating things more or whatever).  Baby's heart rate is good, my blood pressure and urine are good...and that's all fine and well and superficial.  In the mid afternoon, I hadn't heard from anyone to set up appointments for fetal monitoring, so I called to see if that was being worked on.  Not long after, I had an appointment set up for today (Tuesday) at the outpatient center attached to the hospital.  They set up an NST and an amniotic fluid index just for monitoring purposes.  So I was feeling good about that.

The evening, however, did not go as expected.  We went to get the kids at daycare at their usual time, and they do their thing where they run to the Village and play on the slide and in the ball pit.  We got them in the car pretty easily and went home, just like it typically plays out.  Sat down on the couch and Mike asked if I wanted anything to eat.  I actually had a left over burrito thing from lunch (I got full way too quickly), but I was still just fine from Taco Bell.  I was actually feeling kind of weird...in a way I can't really describe, other than just a bit off.  My stomach a little, my legs felt a little heavy, and I was a bit sore.  Before I knew it (and really without a lot of warning...at least from what I was aware of), I launched into contractions.  Sitting with my legs propped up, I idly started to time them.  It was ridiculous how fast they were coming...not a gradual build up or anything!

The kids went into the bath, I threw back a whole bunch of water and eventually moved to the bedroom.  Still contracting, and everything felt heavy.  I made the call right there to go to the hospital.  I didn't want to regret it later, and I didn't want to have to pull the kids out of bed either.

We got to OB triage about 8:45, got checked in pretty quickly (more quickly than some of the other times...there's some pretty chatty people doing that job) and into triage.  Mike and the kids stayed in the waiting area.  I waited and waited to get hooked up to the monitors, and I was continuing to time contractions for myself.  As soon as the monitors came on, it repeated pretty much exactly what I'd been timing.  I told the nurse about how I'd just been released, how far I was dilated and so on.  And of course, when she checked for herself it was about the same as I reported.  She was shocked that they let me go home with a bulging bag of water and with all of the contractions, that was a pretty quick decision to admit.  I got started with the IV antibiotics immediately in triage, and then we were off to labor and delivery again (at which point, Mike and the boys tagged along for a bit).

The nurse kept saying that the doctor was coming to discuss stuff, but that never happened.  It got to the point where he was pretty much MIA, and I'd given up on finding out anything, so all I could do was wait.  Mike and the kids went out to the car to sleep, on the off chance that it could be go-time...which it never turned out to be.

All night long I contracted again...3-4 every 10 minutes, then 2 every 10, then maybe back to 3.  But still no water breaking, so no baby :(

I've contracted on and off today, and they continue to shove penicillin into me (periodically).  I did get to go for a walk, people from work came by, and Mike was here in the afternoon as well.  And because antepartum is full (or so they've told me), here I sit like a lump in L&D.  I'm so tired, my head is spinning, and everything new that happens I keep hoping that it's a sign that the baby could be on the way.  This is so much worse than being near my due date and trying to get a kid out.

So I've been told that the plan is to keep me here...again...until my water breaks or I go into labor.  I'm so skeptical of this, since that's what they said before.  I don't know if I'm nervous about being at home so much anymore, especially if I can have monitoring every few days.  I, of course, don't want my water to break at home and worry about a mad dash to the hospital (or worse, deliver in the car...I've had several people say that they worry about that scenario in particular).

I'm so tired, and part of me does worry that my body is going to fail to go into labor at all, even when it's time, just because it's been worked too much.  There's a worry that the baby could become too stressed.  All sorts of these things are starting to make me ponder where the best place is for everyone to be, and the best case for when I actually go to deliver.

So here ends my post for today...entering another state of confusion and unknown for what is going to happen in the coming hours.

Heading to the Final Countdown?

All of the days are starting to run together, and I like to look at things in terms of numbers sometimes just to put things in perspective.

Since this whole thing began:

6 - The number of nights I've spent in the hospital
2 - The number of nights I've spent without Mike there with me
3 - The number of times I've been through OB triage and not gone out the same day

15 - The number of OB appointments I've had to date
14 - The number of ultrasounds I've had to date

48 - The number of hours I've been on magnesium sulfate IV
4 - The number of terbutaline injections I've been given
2 - The number of steroid injections I've had for lung maturity
3 - The number of times I was given stadol to become oblivious to contractions
5 - The number of 4 hour doses of penicillin I've been given during labor
2 - The number of other maintenance tocolytic drugs I've taken after going home (ibuprofen and nifedipine)

241 - The number of days I've been pregnant (although 14 of those days don't really count!)

10 - The number of pounds I've gained this pregnancy (you'd think it would be more with sitting on my butt so much!)

Well, enough of that for now.  I could go so many directions with it and it might get a little crazy and too TMI!

Anyway, today was an interesting, yet surprising day.  I was at least able to sleep last night, which I really needed to get some after the previous night of sheer exhaustion.  I was worried that the combination of being in the hospital, being overly tired, and my mind going in a thousand different directions would somehow mess with my sleep.  I got semi-comfortable (as comfortable as one can get in a hospital bed, being sweaty from hormones and having an IV stuck in one hand) around 11:30pm, and tried to sleep.  My brain didn't shut off at first, but luckily I was able to doze off until the nurse came in to do vitals around 1:30am.

Back to sleep, and the next thing I remember is another nurse in at around 5:30 to do vitals again.  My eyes were playing tricks on me when I looked at the clock (I got the hands on the clock mixed up) and I thought it was 2:30 for some reason)...I even commented that it felt like I'd slept longer than I thought.  I barely just dozed off and a resident came in (and she was asking all of the same questions...how far along were you with previous labors, blah blah blah).  So I had to be a little coherent, and I couldn't go back to sleep for a little while.  Finally I did get back to sleep (dozed off on my back, oddly enough...and under covers...I had suddenly gotten really cold!) and woke up right before 9am.

Breakfast came and eventually the new day nurse came in to do vitals and check to see if I might need monitoring again.  She put me on the monitors while I was in (what felt like) a very weird position on my side.  A little more than halfway through, Mike came with the kids!  After the first hour, the nurse reported a contraction about every 10 minutes, and she went to page the doctor.  Monitoring continued for a while after a bathroom break, and nothing dramatic changed after that point.  Now was just time to wait for the doctor!

Right after lunch, Dr. Pottorff came, did another cervix check and I was still the same as I was the previous day (5-6cm, 70% effaced, bulging sac).  It's been funny how it's bouncing between the 5 and 6, but she explained that as more of just being such a small difference at this point between 5-6 (but definitely not over 6!).  The biggest surprise, though, was her letting me go home!

We talked about some of the major concerns, mostly trying to gauge how much I'd be able to take it easy (weekends are hard with the kids running around, pulling at me sometimes...weekdays are easier with daycare...I get more rest/sleep at home, and I'm less stressed out just being with Mike and the kids versus being in the hospital...I'm not as "secure" as I am in the hospital if something changes quickly...so on and so forth).  So we came to the compromise that this week I'd keep my appointment at the office (happens to be on Monday, tomorrow), and they'd add extra NST's and monitoring twice a week, just to see how the baby was doing and to see how many contractions I was having.  Those will likely just be in OB triage, so that actually reassures me that if they see something sketchy, all they have to do is run me down the hall.

Well, my bags will be packed each time (it's pretty much stayed packed), and I'm getting more secure with all of the different scenarios that could play out.  Let's hope I keep that feeling of security!