Monday, August 05, 2013

On Missing Stuff...

As I mentioned in the post that precedes this one...I've thought about this stuff for a while (it happens when you have lots of time on your hands...thinking...).  I have days where these things bother me, some days where I don't feel like I'm missing much, and other times where the things I've missed or am going to miss are a passing memory.

So what am I talking about.  Since going on strict bedrest at 28 weeks, I've "missed" a lot of things.  Some small, some big.  Some unique to me, some just to pregnant women in general.  I might add to this later (since I forget some of the ones I've mental notes of!), but we'll see.

Number 1:  I'll start small.  Clothing.  It's not that I really enjoy wearing maternity clothing (or having to wear it out of necessity), but there are some things that I like!  Daniel was a summer baby, so I had quite a few summer things for him that I was looking forward to digging out to wear again this summer.  I have some pretty comfortable tops, some shorts that I liked, and before the pre-term labor started, I had gone out and bought myself some summery dresses that I was really looking forward to wearing!  I'd even told myself that I'd get some of those goofy pregnancy shirts (I saw one floating around on Facebook that was a striped shirt with a little baby peeking out of it!).  Since I was leaving the house maybe once a week for a few hours (doctor's appointment), that was really the only day that I "got dressed"...the rest of the time I hung around the house in a t-shirt and boxer shorts or something like that.  Dresses aren't terribly practical to wear to doctor's appointments either, so I didn't wear those out.  In the end, I know it's small...and maybe I'll get to make it up with the next pregnancy and go crazy with all of the cute maternity outfits and goofy pregnancy-themed shirts.

Number 2:  Going out.  This might be sort of an all-encompassing generic one.  I have missed being able to leave the house in general (going out to something like a lunch or happy hour, and even picking up the kids from daycare).  I haven't been out to the movies, and every week going out to the doctor (and hitting up somewhere for bring back to the house) has been totally the highlight!  I didn't go to somewhere like Target even for like 4 weeks!  Even when I was able to do a little more (off of so much "strict" bedrest) I still didn't do much because every time I did just a little more, I'd end up with crazy contractions again.

Number 3:  Stuff with and for the kids.  I felt bad, first and foremost, for having to overuse the phrase "sorry, Mommy can't do that".  I wanted to be able to jump up and get things for them, make sure they weren't getting into trouble in another room and so on.  I hated having to explain to Daniel (mostly) that I was "sick" because it was something he could understand.  It got to be terribly depressing when they'd question why I wasn't leaving the hospital with them after they'd come to visit.  Daniel's 5th birthday came, and I wish he could have had a birthday party (other than just the family).  I know it probably won't register in the whole of everything, but I guess I kind of wanted to have a bigger party for him.  In other things...both Daniel and Jared are due for their well checks at the doctor (which I haven't been able to take them to).  I'm sure they're not really looking forward to the shot thing.

Number 4:  Work.  This has been a particularly painful one, and one I'm not sure I could have actually dealt with in general.  As I mentioned earlier, my last day was supposed to have been June 14th. That's since been postponed, but work has gone on and the lab has since gone through with the shut down and everyone has been displaced.  I miss work in general, and it's been heartbreaking to think about not going back and picking up where I left off.  I left rather suddenly, with plans for the next day and so on.  However, I don't know if I wanted to see the lab shut down like that.  I didn't get to pack up my own things (even though my desk is still there...with a few random things like my desk phone and computer dock).  I didn't get to finish a set of experiments I was working on.  Maybe it's better that all of that was done for me, but it's just not a great situation in general.

Well...that's about all for now.  I'm actually backdating this blog post just because I started it before (and it goes with the preceding post).  There might be more to this later...we'll see...

Still in Week 36...Weekend Update!

I've thought about doing the blog post that will follow this one for a while, but I waited until I was in a semi-good mood (translation:  wouldn't start sobbing while thinking of these things) to write it.

So...before I delve into the main part of this post (or main point)...I'll give a quick update on things.  Yeah, still pregnant.  Boy how it's getting entertaining to be reminded of it every day...I mean, not in a bad way (technically, not "full term" until this coming Thursday), but more in the sense that my body has been through so much that people (friends, acquaintances, doctors and so on) are starting to feel a little bit sorry for me.  Or maybe that I feel a bit sorry for myself.  Probably both.

In any case, since last Thursday (the 36 week mark), we've had two NSTs and an AFI ultrasound.  Now, I refer to what I said in the previous paragraph, because at each of the NSTs, the tech does the monitoring for 20 minutes, leaves me hooked up and goes to review it with one of the doctors.  Each time, she comes back and reports that Dr. So-n-so went over it and was surprised I've gone this long or something to the effect of why haven't I had the baby yet.  Today was really no different, in that the monitor was picking up 4-5 contractions every 10 minutes (so, um, do the contraction every 2 or 3 minutes...eep!).  Granted, only one or two out of those in a 10 minute span I REALLY feel, the others barely register on my radar.

The AFI on Friday was fine too (about 19.5cm fluid measured...plenty still!).  The ultrasound person at the other office is a bit more business than the other one (who loves to go looking for the cute pictures).

Other that...Thursday to Monday was pretty good.  I realized it's my first full weekend out of the hospital for a while!  Thursday we made it to meet the teacher night at Daniel's school...he got to explore a little more, pick his cubby out, and (attempt) to meet some of his classmates.  I almost hoped that hoofing it everywhere might rustle up some contractions, but no such luck!

Friday came, and it was Mike's birthday!  We went out to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch and had a pretty relaxing day before the kids came home.  Saturday we made a quick trip to Target to get a few supplies and Daniel a new backpack for school.  He was VERY excited to pick out his backpack that came complete with lunch box!  We also went swimming and later on Daniel went and got a haircut.  Sunday wasn't bad either, just preparing everyone for the early morning today! was Daniel's first day of school.  We got up, got showered and went to get up the kids (they've been spoiled this summer...sleeping in a bit later!).  Daniel got up, and just as he was about dressed, the bus showed up (the communication that we were taking him today didn't get to the driver, and they never contacted us with the pick-up time...but no harm no foul!).  We quickly got Jared up, dropped Jared off at daycare and made our way to Daniel's school...just in time to line up to go inside!  He was so excited to see his old preschool teacher, Ms. Bonnie...and she was right there by his line and got to talk to him for a little while.  Right after they made their way in, we had to make our way quickly back to the car to the NST appointment.

Well...that is that...coming full circle with everything.  I'm still in a holding pattern.  I keep telling myself that I can be patient, but whether I practice that patience is another story!