Monday, August 05, 2013

On Missing Stuff...

As I mentioned in the post that precedes this one...I've thought about this stuff for a while (it happens when you have lots of time on your hands...thinking...).  I have days where these things bother me, some days where I don't feel like I'm missing much, and other times where the things I've missed or am going to miss are a passing memory.

So what am I talking about.  Since going on strict bedrest at 28 weeks, I've "missed" a lot of things.  Some small, some big.  Some unique to me, some just to pregnant women in general.  I might add to this later (since I forget some of the ones I've mental notes of!), but we'll see.

Number 1:  I'll start small.  Clothing.  It's not that I really enjoy wearing maternity clothing (or having to wear it out of necessity), but there are some things that I like!  Daniel was a summer baby, so I had quite a few summer things for him that I was looking forward to digging out to wear again this summer.  I have some pretty comfortable tops, some shorts that I liked, and before the pre-term labor started, I had gone out and bought myself some summery dresses that I was really looking forward to wearing!  I'd even told myself that I'd get some of those goofy pregnancy shirts (I saw one floating around on Facebook that was a striped shirt with a little baby peeking out of it!).  Since I was leaving the house maybe once a week for a few hours (doctor's appointment), that was really the only day that I "got dressed"...the rest of the time I hung around the house in a t-shirt and boxer shorts or something like that.  Dresses aren't terribly practical to wear to doctor's appointments either, so I didn't wear those out.  In the end, I know it's small...and maybe I'll get to make it up with the next pregnancy and go crazy with all of the cute maternity outfits and goofy pregnancy-themed shirts.

Number 2:  Going out.  This might be sort of an all-encompassing generic one.  I have missed being able to leave the house in general (going out to something like a lunch or happy hour, and even picking up the kids from daycare).  I haven't been out to the movies, and every week going out to the doctor (and hitting up somewhere for bring back to the house) has been totally the highlight!  I didn't go to somewhere like Target even for like 4 weeks!  Even when I was able to do a little more (off of so much "strict" bedrest) I still didn't do much because every time I did just a little more, I'd end up with crazy contractions again.

Number 3:  Stuff with and for the kids.  I felt bad, first and foremost, for having to overuse the phrase "sorry, Mommy can't do that".  I wanted to be able to jump up and get things for them, make sure they weren't getting into trouble in another room and so on.  I hated having to explain to Daniel (mostly) that I was "sick" because it was something he could understand.  It got to be terribly depressing when they'd question why I wasn't leaving the hospital with them after they'd come to visit.  Daniel's 5th birthday came, and I wish he could have had a birthday party (other than just the family).  I know it probably won't register in the whole of everything, but I guess I kind of wanted to have a bigger party for him.  In other things...both Daniel and Jared are due for their well checks at the doctor (which I haven't been able to take them to).  I'm sure they're not really looking forward to the shot thing.

Number 4:  Work.  This has been a particularly painful one, and one I'm not sure I could have actually dealt with in general.  As I mentioned earlier, my last day was supposed to have been June 14th. That's since been postponed, but work has gone on and the lab has since gone through with the shut down and everyone has been displaced.  I miss work in general, and it's been heartbreaking to think about not going back and picking up where I left off.  I left rather suddenly, with plans for the next day and so on.  However, I don't know if I wanted to see the lab shut down like that.  I didn't get to pack up my own things (even though my desk is still there...with a few random things like my desk phone and computer dock).  I didn't get to finish a set of experiments I was working on.  Maybe it's better that all of that was done for me, but it's just not a great situation in general.

Well...that's about all for now.  I'm actually backdating this blog post just because I started it before (and it goes with the preceding post).  There might be more to this later...we'll see...

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