On Missing Stuff...

As I mentioned in the post that precedes this one...I've thought about this stuff for a while (it happens when you have lots of time on your hands...thinking...).  I have days where these things bother me, some days where I don't feel like I'm missing much, and other times where the things I've missed or am going to miss are a passing memory.

So what am I talking about.  Since going on strict bedrest at 28 weeks, I've "missed" a lot of things.  Some small, some big.  Some unique to me, some just to pregnant women in general.  I might add to this later (since I forget some of the ones I've mental notes of!), but we'll see.

Number 1:  I'll start small.  Clothing.  It's not that I really enjoy wearing maternity clothing (or having to wear it out of necessity), but there are some things that I like!  Daniel was a summer baby, so I had quite a few summer things for him that I was looking forward to digging out to wear again this summer.  I have some pretty comfortable tops, some shorts that I liked, and before the pre-term labor started, I had gone out and bought myself some summery dresses that I was really looking forward to wearing!  I'd even told myself that I'd get some of those goofy pregnancy shirts (I saw one floating around on Facebook that was a striped shirt with a little baby peeking out of it!).  Since I was leaving the house maybe once a week for a few hours (doctor's appointment), that was really the only day that I "got dressed"...the rest of the time I hung around the house in a t-shirt and boxer shorts or something like that.  Dresses aren't terribly practical to wear to doctor's appointments either, so I didn't wear those out.  In the end, I know it's small...and maybe I'll get to make it up with the next pregnancy and go crazy with all of the cute maternity outfits and goofy pregnancy-themed shirts.

Number 2:  Going out.  This might be sort of an all-encompassing generic one.  I have missed being able to leave the house in general (going out to something like a lunch or happy hour, and even picking up the kids from daycare).  I haven't been out to the movies, and every week going out to the doctor (and hitting up somewhere for lunch...to bring back to the house) has been totally the highlight!  I didn't go to somewhere like Target even for like 4 weeks!  Even when I was able to do a little more (off of so much "strict" bedrest) I still didn't do much because every time I did just a little more, I'd end up with crazy contractions again.

Number 3:  Stuff with and for the kids.  I felt bad, first and foremost, for having to overuse the phrase "sorry, Mommy can't do that".  I wanted to be able to jump up and get things for them, make sure they weren't getting into trouble in another room and so on.  I hated having to explain to Daniel (mostly) that I was "sick" because it was something he could understand.  It got to be terribly depressing when they'd question why I wasn't leaving the hospital with them after they'd come to visit.  Daniel's 5th birthday came, and I wish he could have had a birthday party (other than just the family).  I know it probably won't register in the whole of everything, but I guess I kind of wanted to have a bigger party for him.  In other things...both Daniel and Jared are due for their well checks at the doctor (which I haven't been able to take them to).  I'm sure they're not really looking forward to the shot thing.

Number 4:  Work.  This has been a particularly painful one, and one I'm not sure I could have actually dealt with in general.  As I mentioned earlier, my last day was supposed to have been June 14th. That's since been postponed, but work has gone on and the lab has since gone through with the shut down and everyone has been displaced.  I miss work in general, and it's been heartbreaking to think about not going back and picking up where I left off.  I left rather suddenly, with plans for the next day and so on.  However, I don't know if I wanted to see the lab shut down like that.  I didn't get to pack up my own things (even though my desk is still there...with a few random things like my desk phone and computer dock).  I didn't get to finish a set of experiments I was working on.  Maybe it's better that all of that was done for me, but it's just not a great situation in general.

Well...that's about all for now.  I'm actually backdating this blog post just because I started it before (and it goes with the preceding post).  There might be more to this later...we'll see...

All Things Mommy Related

Once again, time has passed to the point where I have been neglectful of my blogging duties (as if it was an actual requirement!).

In Mommy news, Jared turned 3 months today...a quarter of the way to a year! Daniel is less than a month away from turning 3. And what are the boys doing? Jared is the smiley boy...he smiles whenever he recognizes one of our faces (mine, Daddy's or Daniel's!). He started grabbing at things like toys on the swing at daycare. He's been sleeping pretty consistently, still, and there's been a few times that he's slept all the way through the night until we had to wake him up to get ready. Daniel is chatty little fellow, and he picks up on so many new things so quickly. He can count to 15 pretty reliably, he's decent at telling us what color something is (he knows well enough to give a color as a response...whether it's the correct color or not is up for debate). He can name all of his toy cars and trains, and works the computer like a pro on a little PowerPoint that I set up with pictures of his trains. And this evening after his shower, he actually pee'd in the potty! It was an amazing moment (especially since neither Mike or I have seen him pee...only poop).

In the interest of professing something deep and philosophical, I'll switch to talking about some life change-type things and maybe some random bits of Mommy knowledge. As if I could word that more awkwardly. Here's also hoping that I can remember the dialog for this that I had running in my head earlier today.

It sounds cliche, but the whole thing about "everything changes when you have a baby" is true. It's happened twice to us, and things definitely change, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be all good or all bad. Just different. I hope it is different with our next child(ren) as well.

The good things...it's made me become more patient. I like to think that I was pretty patient before having kids, but I've somehow acquired a more "relaxed" type of patience. I think almost everyone has the urge to rush things up or start to fidget when another person is taking a long time to complete a task. I try to set myself up to not have to be rushed, so that I do have the time to wait. It's not wasting time...it's just not stressing myself out. "Old" me would have her mind in another place or thinking about the work that needed to be done (thus not enjoying what is going on in the moment). I think it helps not only making time with the kids more enjoyable, but also able to deal with interns at work, students in one of my classes, or other people that I'm working with on a project.

Second good thing...learning to accept help. I'm still working a bit on this one, and it has many different facets to it. I don't mind if someone comes to help with the baby, or do something around the house like take care of dishes or cook dinner. I've accepted help in the form of childcare when I really needed a couple of days to recoup after childbirth (and not wanting to worry about having two kids at once...I could just focus on the newer, more demanding one). But on the flip side, I've not asked for help many times that I think I could have used it.

Third...deciding what's important to worry about and what's not (or "letting go"). House not completely clean the day after you come home with a new baby? Who cares! Trying not to do it all, especially not all at once. It's awesome to work hard and reap the benefits, but not if you make yourself ill as a result.

OK so now some changes that aren't all that great (I hesitate to call them "bad"). Worry. Where did this worry come from? Before, having to worry about ones own self was pretty much it. Don't get me wrong, I worried (in a healthy way) about Mike too, but it's a different type of worry aimed towards a child. When they are sick or hurt or something along those lines, it sends an indescribable sensation through your body. I have a weird sense of empathy, almost feeling what I imagine they must be feeling.

In the interest of time, I'm going to stop and continue this later. But I do intend to have a little spout about some of the ways that life is better, and some of the nuggets I've picked up on along the way!