Another Delivery Fail

Well...once again, no baby.  No water breaking (and they aren't breaking it for me), and at last check it appears as though I might have gone backwards.  Who knows though...difference of opinion depending on the person doing the evaluation.

So waiting around in the delivery room, I did get to eat (and that was good), then I sat some more and Dr. Mercer came in.  Well, on cervical check, she reported that the baby was at -1 or -2 (wha?  she's going back up?!) and she downgraded to 5-6cm.

One complicating factor (other than she's only 35 weeks today), is that the NICU here is full.  Not that we'd "need" it, but they don't want to risk delivery and her needing it, and having to transfer baby somewhere else.  On the bright side, at least I only spent a handful of hours in L&D before going back to antepartum (and actually the same room that I was in this morning and yesterday!).

I'm really just getting kind of disconnected from the process and a bit despondent.  My hormones are going nuts all over the place, and anytime I get certain thoughts into my head, the tears start streaming (and I don't want it to happen...it just does!).  I can go from being happy or in an even mood to just losing it, and there's no good reason why.  I hate it, too, because it makes me totally unable to speak sometimes.  The nurse this morning was asking about medication that I had taken in the past and what I needed while in the hospital.  She saw the history of PPD in there (and they ask all the time), and so I asked her about starting Zoloft again before delivery (the doctor had suggested I start taking it before delivery when I was pregnant with Jared, and was glad I had prescription in hand for when I needed it...and I definitely needed it before delivery even...).  The nurse was going to ask the doctor about it so they could start giving it to me.  I asked the new nurse in antepartum when I got back about it...and she said she'd look too, but as I was asking I was crying.  And there was seriously nothing to cry about!

As of this evening...things are as they are.  During the evening monitoring, I was having contractions again (you don't say?)...and when I asked the nurse, she just mentioned that it was "alot...like one every few minutes".  No one wants to jump the gun, so just waiting to see if they go away or they get more painful.  Hopefully the universe gives me a sign!

Well, in any case...it looks like this little lady is going to bake a little bit longer...so happy 35 weeks!

Back to delivery...

I really don't want to jinx things by posting...but I'm back in a labor/delivery room again.

This morning in antepartum, they started monitoring again (after breakfast, like usual) and a few contractions came up.  I figured no big deal, it happens...and even with mad contractions, my cervix is just not cooperating enough (or it hadn't been).

After a few contractions, a nurse came to do a check (which was itself surprising...they've been holding off a bit) and she reported 7cm, still about 70-80% effaced, -1 station.  On calling the doctor, they softly decided to say they might break my water...and transfer me over to L&D again.  That was about 10am.

They did another blood draw, started antibiotics and I awaited Mike's arrival.  He got there about 11...just in time to pack up and go.

We got to L&D, hooked back up to monitors, and Megan and Monica came (yay!).  At this point, I'm not even watching the monitors...don't want to jinx things more. 

Another blood draw(2nd of the morning...yay she says sarcastically) and a resident comes by to check baby's position with a quick ultrasound.

Its just after 12:30pm now...this morning is a whirlwind!  Everyone went to get lunch and now just waiting on the attending (Dr. Mercer today). 

I think now I am the one who is the most disconnected... just going with the flow...I tell it like it is... :)

What I Do During the Day

Since I'm mixing things up a little bit with blog posts (I never know what's going to happen every day, so sometimes, especially these days, and in the days to come!) that I usually just go with the flow.  Report on the days happenings and things and call it good.

Anyway, today I was reflecting a little on what my typical day is like.  I've done this sort of post before on my other blog, but haven't done it here since I started on the whole bedrest thing.  And it's taken on a different flavor being cooped up in the hospital right now.  I do like routine, even if variety in the days events is nice.  Maybe it's more that I like knowing what the plan is ahead of schedule, even if it varies from day to day.  So here's a day in the life of Amy, hospital style.

I usually end up waking up at some early hour, way early to be healthy, and way earlier than I'd ever get up unless I had to.  Today I awoke the first time around 5:30am, which was pretty good...I was happy that I had gone about 5 1/2 hours straight sleeping!  I had the IV line going into my arm from last night, as my last dose of antibiotics started around 11:30pm, ran for a half hour and switched over to saline...the nurse didn't want to wake me up at midnight if I was sleeping just to stop the whole thing.

At 5:30, I buzzed the nurse, she took the fluid off, closed off my IV (still in my arm, for easy access), and I got up to use the bathroom and then back to bed.  I dozed a little bit until a resident came by after 6am.  I have to be somewhat coherent these days, just because they're always asking for details, and I end up with a new one each day so I sometimes have to fill them in on things a bit more.

The resident left, and I dozed off for a bit more...a few more hours until 7:30 when a nurse came to take my vitals.  Dozed off again a little more, and the new nurse for the day came by, did a few more vitals and brought breakfast around 9.

After breakfast, I sat around a little "digesting" and was doing a little cross stitch.  At 10am, the nurse came by to hook me up to the monitors for the NST (that was about 20 minutes long).  Nothing really odd to report (I think I had like 1 or 2 contractions the whole time!) and baby was happily doing her thing.

A little bit of looking at things on Facebook, chatting online and so on, and then Dr. Mayer came for a visit.  She asked how I felt about staying vs. going home (like most of the other doctors had), as she knew previously that I'd been upset before about having to stay and be away from Mike and the kids.  But this time I think everyone agreed that it was safer and more secure if I stayed.  So she put that plan into motion to keep me here at least for the time being...assuring me that the plans are subject to change if my own feelings on things change.

Right before 1, Megan and Pilar show up (and they grab food to have lunch up here), and Monica follows soon after too.  It was a good visit with them, definitely brightening things up and adding that bit of variety to my day.  Mike comes around 2:30 and we hang out and chat (funny being able to talk without interruptions from the kids...hehehe).  It took a little bit to get all of the permissions in order to go for a walk (there has to be a doctor's order saying it's OK!) and so after that came through, we took a trip to the cafeteria for a little bit before Mike had to leave to get the boys and go home for the night.

I'm expecting dinner here in a little bit (typical is around 6:30), then the shift change, a new check in vitals, and maybe another round of monitoring (although that hasn't been said, they usually just like to do that after dinner).

Maybe the longer I stay here (but, well, I hope that's not too long), the more the routine gets established and I hope I can just get used to a few things so I'm not struggling to get through the day.

Overall, my day, today, has been a mostly quiet one...not filled with a lot of drama, contractions and worry, and I really hope that it stays that way, and that this isn't just the calm before the storm (like it was the last time I was discharged!).

Entering a State of Confusion

I'm once again starting to lose track of my days...had to make sure that today is Tuesday (right?).  Well, the major news is that I managed to keep myself out of the hospital for ONE WHOLE DAY.

Anyway, Monday (yesterday), I had a "regular" doctor's appointment, and there really wasn't a whole lot to report (no one wants to check my cervix for fear of breaking my water, irritating things more or whatever).  Baby's heart rate is good, my blood pressure and urine are good...and that's all fine and well and superficial.  In the mid afternoon, I hadn't heard from anyone to set up appointments for fetal monitoring, so I called to see if that was being worked on.  Not long after, I had an appointment set up for today (Tuesday) at the outpatient center attached to the hospital.  They set up an NST and an amniotic fluid index just for monitoring purposes.  So I was feeling good about that.

The evening, however, did not go as expected.  We went to get the kids at daycare at their usual time, and they do their thing where they run to the Village and play on the slide and in the ball pit.  We got them in the car pretty easily and went home, just like it typically plays out.  Sat down on the couch and Mike asked if I wanted anything to eat.  I actually had a left over burrito thing from lunch (I got full way too quickly), but I was still just fine from Taco Bell.  I was actually feeling kind of weird...in a way I can't really describe, other than just a bit off.  My stomach a little, my legs felt a little heavy, and I was a bit sore.  Before I knew it (and really without a lot of warning...at least from what I was aware of), I launched into contractions.  Sitting with my legs propped up, I idly started to time them.  It was ridiculous how fast they were coming...not a gradual build up or anything!

The kids went into the bath, I threw back a whole bunch of water and eventually moved to the bedroom.  Still contracting, and everything felt heavy.  I made the call right there to go to the hospital.  I didn't want to regret it later, and I didn't want to have to pull the kids out of bed either.

We got to OB triage about 8:45, got checked in pretty quickly (more quickly than some of the other times...there's some pretty chatty people doing that job) and into triage.  Mike and the kids stayed in the waiting area.  I waited and waited to get hooked up to the monitors, and I was continuing to time contractions for myself.  As soon as the monitors came on, it repeated pretty much exactly what I'd been timing.  I told the nurse about how I'd just been released, how far I was dilated and so on.  And of course, when she checked for herself it was about the same as I reported.  She was shocked that they let me go home with a bulging bag of water and with all of the contractions, that was a pretty quick decision to admit.  I got started with the IV antibiotics immediately in triage, and then we were off to labor and delivery again (at which point, Mike and the boys tagged along for a bit).

The nurse kept saying that the doctor was coming to discuss stuff, but that never happened.  It got to the point where he was pretty much MIA, and I'd given up on finding out anything, so all I could do was wait.  Mike and the kids went out to the car to sleep, on the off chance that it could be go-time...which it never turned out to be.

All night long I contracted again...3-4 every 10 minutes, then 2 every 10, then maybe back to 3.  But still no water breaking, so no baby :(

I've contracted on and off today, and they continue to shove penicillin into me (periodically).  I did get to go for a walk, people from work came by, and Mike was here in the afternoon as well.  And because antepartum is full (or so they've told me), here I sit like a lump in L&D.  I'm so tired, my head is spinning, and everything new that happens I keep hoping that it's a sign that the baby could be on the way.  This is so much worse than being near my due date and trying to get a kid out.

So I've been told that the plan is to keep me here...again...until my water breaks or I go into labor.  I'm so skeptical of this, since that's what they said before.  I don't know if I'm nervous about being at home so much anymore, especially if I can have monitoring every few days.  I, of course, don't want my water to break at home and worry about a mad dash to the hospital (or worse, deliver in the car...I've had several people say that they worry about that scenario in particular).

I'm so tired, and part of me does worry that my body is going to fail to go into labor at all, even when it's time, just because it's been worked too much.  There's a worry that the baby could become too stressed.  All sorts of these things are starting to make me ponder where the best place is for everyone to be, and the best case for when I actually go to deliver.

So here ends my post for today...entering another state of confusion and unknown for what is going to happen in the coming hours.

Heading to the Final Countdown?

All of the days are starting to run together, and I like to look at things in terms of numbers sometimes just to put things in perspective.

Since this whole thing began:

6 - The number of nights I've spent in the hospital
2 - The number of nights I've spent without Mike there with me
3 - The number of times I've been through OB triage and not gone out the same day

15 - The number of OB appointments I've had to date
14 - The number of ultrasounds I've had to date

48 - The number of hours I've been on magnesium sulfate IV
4 - The number of terbutaline injections I've been given
2 - The number of steroid injections I've had for lung maturity
3 - The number of times I was given stadol to become oblivious to contractions
5 - The number of 4 hour doses of penicillin I've been given during labor
2 - The number of other maintenance tocolytic drugs I've taken after going home (ibuprofen and nifedipine)

241 - The number of days I've been pregnant (although 14 of those days don't really count!)

10 - The number of pounds I've gained this pregnancy (you'd think it would be more with sitting on my butt so much!)

Well, enough of that for now.  I could go so many directions with it and it might get a little crazy and too TMI!

Anyway, today was an interesting, yet surprising day.  I was at least able to sleep last night, which I really needed to get some after the previous night of sheer exhaustion.  I was worried that the combination of being in the hospital, being overly tired, and my mind going in a thousand different directions would somehow mess with my sleep.  I got semi-comfortable (as comfortable as one can get in a hospital bed, being sweaty from hormones and having an IV stuck in one hand) around 11:30pm, and tried to sleep.  My brain didn't shut off at first, but luckily I was able to doze off until the nurse came in to do vitals around 1:30am.

Back to sleep, and the next thing I remember is another nurse in at around 5:30 to do vitals again.  My eyes were playing tricks on me when I looked at the clock (I got the hands on the clock mixed up) and I thought it was 2:30 for some reason)...I even commented that it felt like I'd slept longer than I thought.  I barely just dozed off and a resident came in (and she was asking all of the same questions...how far along were you with previous labors, blah blah blah).  So I had to be a little coherent, and I couldn't go back to sleep for a little while.  Finally I did get back to sleep (dozed off on my back, oddly enough...and under covers...I had suddenly gotten really cold!) and woke up right before 9am.

Breakfast came and eventually the new day nurse came in to do vitals and check to see if I might need monitoring again.  She put me on the monitors while I was in (what felt like) a very weird position on my side.  A little more than halfway through, Mike came with the kids!  After the first hour, the nurse reported a contraction about every 10 minutes, and she went to page the doctor.  Monitoring continued for a while after a bathroom break, and nothing dramatic changed after that point.  Now was just time to wait for the doctor!

Right after lunch, Dr. Pottorff came, did another cervix check and I was still the same as I was the previous day (5-6cm, 70% effaced, bulging sac).  It's been funny how it's bouncing between the 5 and 6, but she explained that as more of just being such a small difference at this point between 5-6 (but definitely not over 6!).  The biggest surprise, though, was her letting me go home!

We talked about some of the major concerns, mostly trying to gauge how much I'd be able to take it easy (weekends are hard with the kids running around, pulling at me sometimes...weekdays are easier with daycare...I get more rest/sleep at home, and I'm less stressed out just being with Mike and the kids versus being in the hospital...I'm not as "secure" as I am in the hospital if something changes quickly...so on and so forth).  So we came to the compromise that this week I'd keep my appointment at the office (happens to be on Monday, tomorrow), and they'd add extra NST's and monitoring twice a week, just to see how the baby was doing and to see how many contractions I was having.  Those will likely just be in OB triage, so that actually reassures me that if they see something sketchy, all they have to do is run me down the hall.

Well, my bags will be packed each time (it's pretty much stayed packed), and I'm getting more secure with all of the different scenarios that could play out.  Let's hope I keep that feeling of security!

Entering "Expectant Management" Phase

Well, today I am 34w2d!  It has been a VERY long day, and it even seems like now that it's both a blur, and a bunch of crazy days all wrapped up together.  This is an EXTREMELY nerve wracking phase, and one that is wreaking some serious havoc on my emotional state.

In my head, I replay all of the changes in my thoughts that have gone down in the past few days.  The week started with becoming more nervous at the increase in contractions that I was experiencing.  The nervousness turned to a bit of anger before/during/after my weekly doctor's appointment.  I kept debating with myself whether I should have trumped the doctor and gone to OB triage on Wednesday.  I had that same feeling on Thursday, but drove myself into an emotional tizzy because I was home alone then...and I was really having a hard time convincing myself that contractions were bad enough to warrant a visit to triage.  Friday morning was a more of a relief, because I expected that all of my worries would be monitored in a good place.  Relief turned to a little bit of shock (not expecting things to have escalated as far as they had).  Shock turned to relief again when the suggestion came down that they might be able to manage things with terbutaline.

At that point, my thought had to quickly shift between "great, we're going to hold this off again for the time being!" to "this is really happening, we're going to have a baby tonight!".  There's a lot of mental preparation that needs to go into both scenarios...the expectation that they can stop labor (and you can relax after they do), or the expectation that you're going into this full throttle, and you'll have a new baby soon.  Both of those were as fickle as the wind.

In any case, the run down of things right now is that I'm in the antepartum unit (AGAIN...I had one of the same nurses I had last time...funny).  I have no idea in the world if my cervix has changed (which is apparently the thing that was holding me back from delivering...funny).  Apparently my amniotic sac is still bulging out, yet it's totally fine to be up and around (and the doctor even said I could go wandering through the hospital...that's another odd story that I'll add if I feel motivated).  I'm also still bleeding ("bloody show" or whatever...could be just messing around with my cervix, but it's way more than the "usual").  The decision was made to pull me off all monitors, so no idea either at how many contractions I had past a certain time.  Basically, they're putting me in a hospital bed, giving me free reign, and expecting me to declare when it's time to have a baby.

But do I want to know?  Is it going to help to have continuous monitoring so that I analyze every change, expectantly?  If something major did show up, am I ready to be whisked away, thinking that birth is imminent, only to have it stall out again (isn't this the dilemma of every pregnant woman?)?

So anyway, in replaying more moments through my mind, I can't help but wonder what could have been done differently.  I was pretty keen to get terbutaline the first time (in triage) to stop contractions.  Should I have declined that?  If I'd declined that first dose, would they still have wanted to give me more to afford that time to get antibiotics into me?  Did all of that terbutaline stall things out TOO much?  Should I have turned down the stadol?  I have no idea what that did to the labor stuff.  Would an epidural have been better, or a possibility?  In the end, what are all of these drugs doing to the baby?  She has been going absolutely crazy inside!

As a last bit...I'm also becoming so depressed because I'm starting to dissociate this whole process with an end result...a baby.  I have to remind myself that she is GOING to come out, and all of this will be a crazy memory, but in the here and now, it's almost difficult to bond with her while she's on the inside...and hard to come to realize that she's going to be the same baby on the outside very soon.

While this was all very deep and stuff...I still don't feel like I've adequately sorted everything through in my head.  But I do know that last night was the one of the first times that I felt quite secure in the thought that I was going to have a baby.  Kids were taken care of.  Mike was with me.  Everything was in a good place.  I really just hope that the time is perfect in the same way when it finally does happen.

Now in Labor/Delivery!!!

OK so finally got contractions back with the program...

Attempted rest/sleep around 11pm.  Contractions picking up, so unable to really sleep.  1-2 every 10 minutes.

12:30a.m.:  still at 6cm.  Given stadol for pain (awesome!!!)

2a.m.:  contractions in full force, stadol worn off.  STILL 6cm.  Given another dose of stadol.  Contractions about 4 every 10 minutes!

3:30a.m.:  stadol worn off...need bathroom break.  Painful contractions.  Dang it, still 6cm!  Giving more stadol.

6a.m.:  contractions same, maybe less painful... again still 6!!!

9a.m.:  I can eat!  Doing that, then back to getting things back on the road...

Live...from OB triage...

So here I am at the hospital once again...this won't really be live live...just a timeline of how things go Yeah, I'm that bored

Got here just before noon, set up in triage.  As soon as I got hooked up...here come the contractions!  Still at 5cm (so no change there!), but the contractions were coming at a rate of about 4 in a 10 minute window. Lots of blood.

12:20 p.m.:  Shot of terbutaline.  Makes the heart race, but flat lines contractions!

1:20 p.m.:  Feeling the terb wear off a little...waiting to see if contractions return...

2:00 p.m.:  cervix check.  Lots of bloody show, 6cm...bulging amniotic sac.

4:00 p.m.:  all set up in labor and delivery.  Getting antibiotics for GBS.

5:30 p.m.:  second terbutaline shot (stalling to make sure those antibiotics have a 4 hour window to be effective). 

Almost 7:00p.m.:  I'm in pain...menstrual cramps on crack!

Bedrest Part 2 - Days 12 & 13

I guess I might subtitle this one "A Comedy of Errors" (or at least what I'm about to write, regarding yesterday).  In any case, before I get into that...today marks 34 weeks!  It's a happy blog-post day because I get to post an image, rather than just spamming with text.

A short summary of everything, too (for those who don't want to read the details below), is that I've gone from 4cm (as of last Thursday), to over 5cm.  Tuesday and Wednesday nights were the first time I've ever been kept up or been woken up by contractions (this includes when I was pregnant with both boys too...just as a frame of reference).

My appointment Wednesday was at 10:15, and it was with a new doctor to the office (new to where her name isn't on the door or picture isn't on the wall...and I actually had to ask who that was when the appointment was made!).  Anyway, we dropped the kids at daycare and got there at around 10.  And waited.  And waited.  Then starts the weird comedy of error stuff...

Right around 10:45, I get a phone call.  It was coming from the doctor's office!  And, yes, I'm sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office then.  I answer, and it's a nurse, saying that she's calling from the doctor's office (as if I couldn't tell from caller ID) with my test results.  I laugh and tell her that I'm actually sitting in the waiting room, how funny.  After she tells me that the results are negative, I ask what test she's talking about.  At that point she fumbles and asks to put me on hold.  Smart.  A few minutes later she comes back and tells me it was a bacterial/yeast culture they did last Thursday (which no one told me about).  Nice to know that they're just calling people 6 days after a test with results...and not even sure of what the test is.

So as I mentioned, it was 10:45 when I got that call, and I was still sitting in the waiting room, even though my appointment was at 10:15.  After another 5 minutes or so, I go up to the receptionist and ask to make sure that they didn't forget about me or something...and she just says apologetically "Oh, I'm sorry, no, they're just running late today"  (what's funny is that on the little TV monitor in the waiting room, every once in a while it flashes "Been waiting longer than 15 minutes?  Please inform the receptionist, your time is valuable to us!").  And the wait continues.

Finally, around 11:30 we get called back (so, if you're keeping track...that's an hour and a half that we've been sitting in the waiting room).  I'm actually pretty darn uncomfortable, having had pretty constant contractions the whole time in the waiting room, but trying to keep cool and calm about it.  All the regular stuff gets done (pee in cup, weight, blood pressure, yadda yadda) and now to wait for the doctor (another 10 minutes or so).

Doctor comes in, introduces herself and she's got nice enough bedside manner and all.  But she asks how I'm doing, and I respond with "a little uncomfortable".  Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I have a sort of auto-reply to when people ask how I am.  I have been deathly ill, figuratively speaking, and someone will ask me how I am and I'll squeak out a "I'm fine, thank you" and might add a "How are you?".  Anyway, I couldn't honestly answer that I was "fine", because I was really kind of uncomfortable from everything.  So the doctor responds to that by asking if I'm just uncomfortable because it's a little hot out.  Well, yes, it's hot out, but I sort of frown, because the reason I don't feel good is because of contractions, not because of heat (I'm not even outside 99% of the time anyway).  OK, so I can't fault her on asking that, but after I mentioned the contractions thing, that's the start of a whole bunch of things that indicated that she had not even glanced at my chart.

"Contractions?  Have you been having a lot of those?".  Yeah, pretty often, actually.  She looked confused.  She asked if I've had my cervix checked at all this pregnancy.  Well, if you looked at my chart, you might see that.  You might also see that I've had a positive fetal fibronectin test at 28 weeks, been hospitalized twice, was dilated to 4cm last week, and I've been taking nifedipine since I stopped the ibuprofen at 32 weeks.  But she knew none of that, and continued with the shocked and surprised look when she was confirming it on my computer record.

At that point, she mentioned that she no longer wanted to do the fFN test, because she was certain it would just come back positive.  I actually really wanted to know, just based on whether it might afford me another two weeks of security that I wasn't going to deliver.  If it came back positive, then it wouldn't be a guarantee that I'd have this kid before 36 weeks (obviously), but I'd just deal with it.  Instead, she mentioned that she'd check my cervix, and mentioned (before the check) that if it's changed from the 4cm, that I might get sent to the hospital.

And then for the check.  Oh yeah, I'm more than 4cm.  So she asks a few more questions about contractions.  How frequent?  Can Mike tell when I'm having one (and he responds with "um, I can't tell just by looking at her, but I can if I feel them if I'm touching her belly"...that's kind of a "duh" question). She tries to probe more about whether they're actually painful or not, whether I can talk through them (which, I can talk through them usually just fine), or whether they "take my breath away".  To me, these are kind of stupid questions, mostly because I can't honestly say that I'm in severe pain (compared to contractions that I've felt the hour before Jared was born...THAT hurt).  With those I was talking too, albeit very incoherently.  Does it take my breath away?  Well, Mike can tell something is up when my breathing pattern changes, and I do sometimes unconsciously hold my breath or breathe more shallowly until a contraction passes.  I don't know if that qualifies as having my breath taken away.

In any case, she said not to go to the hospital unless I had 3 or 4 an hour that I couldn't talk through, or those that took my breath away.  Oh, and did she mention that the hospital isn't going to do anything to stop labor now?

So here I am, in a weird sort of limbo.  I don't question whether I'm having contractions (I am pretty sure I am).  They are actually worse (as in, they hurt marginally more and they keep me awake at night) than when I was admitted at 28 weeks.  I question whether I'm having more than I perceive, just because that's the way it's been in the past.  Every time I've gone to the hospital for monitoring, I end up getting admitted, which scares me too.  But, based on description to a doctor in the office, I feel as though my contractions are not "good enough" for them to do anything about.  And not that they would do anything anyway, since I'm 34 weeks now?  I don't want to play the game of going back and forth to the hospital, and constantly second guessing myself as to whether it's time or not.  And I don't want to risk not getting to the hospital in time.  But it's pretty much exactly what they're forcing me to do until this kid comes out.

Well...the events of yesterday pretty much overtook this entry...and today was not nearly as interesting because I was in and out of sleep for a good part of it (remember, I slept like crap due to contractions!).  But hey...I'm a full 34 weeks right?

Bedrest Part 2 - Day 11

Another monsoon-y, stormy day in the late afternoon!  Luckily, we were all getting back home as the wind stated to pick up and a little bit of rain started to hit.

But, I digress.  Today wasn't too bad of a day, all things considered.  Since it's Tuesday, it's my "home alone" day, but it went by pretty normally.  I'm finding that the longer that I stay on bedrest, or just hanging around the house in general, doing minimal work, the less motivated I get to do sedentary tasks.  I have a running list of things in my head that I would get done, but they usually involve more than just being still.  Things like laundry, dishes, cleaning the carpets, and so on.  So I end up spending just a lot of time thinking about them, or debating with myself as to whether I could really do them.

There's plenty of things I could do while just being still, it's just getting started on them that is hard.  At first, I was really into making chain mail things (and I still think about it!), but I haven't actually touched it in quite a few days, and I look over at the bag of rings and just can't get motivated.  It's really quite sad, because it's something I enjoy doing.

The other thing that is taking motivation to start is a project (or, actually, projects, plural) that I'll probably be kicking myself for not starting or coming anywhere close to finishing.  Back around the time Daniel was born, I had a little cross stitch kit that had all of the birth announcement type information on it.  When we were in the hospital still, and he was getting his tan on under the bili-lights, I did start on it, but I didn't get very far.  I actually have no idea where it is now, but that's neither here nor there.  Jared came along and I didn't have one for him, and I didn't even attempt starting one.  Recently, I rediscovered a frame that I'd purchased probably before Mike and I got married that had 3 openings that would be perfect for 3 of the cross stitch things.  Perfect...this is kid #3, so I could get a headstart and it wouldn't take me much time to finish it off when the baby comes (later on, when there's a 4th, I can just get a different frame).

So here's my process...decide how I want to make them (kind of uniform, but pink for girl, blue for boy, or whatever).  Then decide on how complicated I want the design.  A while back, I actually went looking for sample kits of the birth announcement designs to base mine off of.  After just thinking about it for a good long while, I got a program to help with the gridding, and just the other day I went and dug out my supply of fabric and thread.  Now, for two days all of the supplies have been sitting on the bed or next to me in a little bag.  However, today I actually opened the frame to get a measuring guide for how I'd cut the canvas fabric to size.  And that's as far as I've gotten.  The frame actually sucks quite a lot (it came from Wal-Mart, go figure...some of the glue melted and adhered to the plastic, the back wasn't fully perforated for easy opening in the first place, and so on).  In the end, I should just do it, but I just keep thinking "I'll need a different frame anyway...so..."  (drag feet).

Well, tomorrow is Wednesday, and time for another doctor's appointment.  I feel like things are getting down to the wire, and there will be a baby SOON, relatively speaking.  One thing that's happened as of late (that isn't too worrysome...but does make me more aware) is baby movements.  I never really thought about how much the boys moved when I was pregnant with them...they just moved.  None of the doctors ever had me do formal kick counts for either of them either, and I think the most consideration it had at appointments was the question "feeling the baby move?".  Recently, though, this baby has been quite eclectic in her movements.  I'd say she's more active in the evening time when we're watching TV, but that isn't too unusual.  During the day, I would still feel her move.  However, there have been two days (today being one...the other was this past Friday/weekend) where I realized that I hadn't felt her move in a while.  Over the weekend, I remember watching TV and not noting much movement, and joking that she was probably going to start kicking around just as I was trying to go to sleep.  I slept without any baby-induced disturbances, but the next morning I didn't feel her move until around 11 or so (hours after drinking orange juice, eating, sitting still, and any other tricks).  Last night, I did feel her moving around, but she stopped as I was falling asleep, and I didn't feel any movement until later this morning (when I did, it wasn't a whole lot, more like just shifting position while she slept).  It always ends up being fine, and certainly reassuring when she does move, but it makes me hyper aware when she does things like that!

In contraction-land, things are sort of holding steady, although today I was experiencing a little bit of the return of the rhythmic back cramps.  I didn't have a lot of the full belly tightening (that I noticed), but I'm getting that really heavy feeling, and lower pelvic cramping again.  Given that I'm on the lowest dose of nifedipine right now, I guess it could be increased (if that's an option), or something like that.  I figure it's only going to be about 2 more weeks on this stuff anyway, and then it will become a free-for-all.  I guess we'll see how things go at the doctor tomorrow!

Bedrest Part 2 - Day 10

It's July 15th!  That means it's my mom's (and her mom's) birthday!  I used to have a bigger fixation on that date when I was pregnant with Daniel, thinking how cool it would be to have him (or her...we didn't know he was a he at the time!) on that date, making for 31-year generational gaps.  Anyway, having a baby, I'm guessing, isn't likely in the next 3 hours, so I'll call it safe to say that this one isn't going to be born on July 15th.

Well, all things told, today wasn't too bad of a day.  The most notable thing is that it rained like crazy, with equally if not crazier winds.  When we went to get the kids from daycare, there were a bunch of trees that were ripped down and still some standing water on the road.  Messy.

The rain also made it super humid and muggy (yuck)...which I was sort of oblivious to because I adopted a new temporary home for a little fan next to the bed.  I sweat so much that having the fan works especially well to cool me down a little more.

In other news...and this is Jared related...it seems as though he has taken to (*wait for it*)...potty training!  Over the weekend he pee'd several times on the potty (and did it this morning as well).  The big test was seeing if he'd do it at daycare...and he did!  This evening, I asked if he had to use the potty, and as it happened, he was in the middle of dropping a #2.  I carefully put the poo in the toilet, and asked if he still had to use the potty (and he nodded yes...like he definitely had some unfinished business to take care of).  No sooner than I put him on, he pees a little, and finishes up his poop job! No way?!

Well...that is pretty much it.  I'm really trying to perk up a bit, and feel like I'm a little more productive, just to keep my mind off of anything that could mess with my stress levels.  Happy Monday!

Bedrest Part 2 - Days 8 and 9

I should probably subtitle this one...IN SEARCH OF LAST-MINUTE CHILDCARE

OK, so I didn't make it 3 days in a row with blog posts.  But, in any case, it's the weekend, and the days sort of all blur together.

I've managed to stay out of the hospital for a whole week (hooray!), but it's been sort of a half-rest kind of week.  I get conflicting opinions on whether I should be on "strict" bedrest or whether I can be sort of on "modified" bedrest, which is much more lax.  On my hospital discharge paperwork from last weekend, it says "Bedrest...bathroom privileges only".  Yet, I've been told that that is probably too extreme.  I can see the doctor's going, "know your limits", and "rest when you need to", but that's a lot easier said than done (especially knowing me...I test the limits quite a bit, and I always seem to believe that I can do more than I actually can).

In any case, enough dwelling on that other stuff for a while.  My latest obsession is finding emergency childcare, should something happen in the "off hours".  I don't think I will really feel at ease until this issue (in particular) is in place.  Not only do I have to have plans...but I need alternative plans as well!

So here's the run down so far.  If something happens in the middle of the night or on the weekend (when the boys are NOT in daycare), they'll likely need someone to take them for a bit.  I hate imposing on people or asking about these things, but ideally, the least amount of stress would be if someone could just stay the night with the boys at our house, so we didn't have to wake them up.  Plan two is dropping them off somewhere, and plan 3 is taking them to the hospital with us if we can't get a hold of anyone.

As I mentioned in a previous post, our other option was a drop-in daycare, but I've kind of dismissed that as not really working for us.  I won't stop looking around for another place though, possibly!  The next alternative is lining up some sort of sitter/nanny service that could come out in less than an hour.  Still evaluating options/taking referrals for that one.  I've even decided to make use (for the first time...ha!) of work's "employee assistance program"  (kind of like a concierge service type thing).  We'll see how that works...I'm always taking suggestions, so if anyone reads this...I'm open!

Bedrest Part 2 - Day 7

Wow...I actually did an entry the next day after the previous one!  I'm on a roll!  If I do it again tomorrow, this might be the start of another trend (wishful thinking!).

So it's been a week since I was admitted to the hospital for a night, testing out new drugs to see if they stopped contractions for me.  Luckily, it was only an overnight stay.  Since bedrest in general began five weeks ago, tomorrow, there's been ups and downs and changes.  Some major changes, some little.

Anyway, today officially marks the day that my parents moved out of state.  Yep, boarded a plane, and flew 1200 miles away.  I keep and kept telling myself that I wouldn't get worked up over it, but inevitably, anytime I think about it, or talk about it, it brings me to tears.  I can blame the pregnancy hormones for that, right?  In trying to rationalize what's going on in my head, I got the insight from my mom about how this feeling sort of works. Most of this is in a blog post from this past weekend.

So my parents moving away is sort of like how my mom felt when I moved away to college.  It wasn't like I was going away forever or anything of that sort...but just that nagging feeling of what-if-I-need-that-person.  I know I can easily pick up the phone and just call (although, they just have cell phones right now that are turned off 95% of the time...that might change though), but now is the time I wish I had the security of knowing that my parents would be there to take care of Daniel and Jared, should something happen and I go into labor at a weird time.  That's what it boils down to right now.  Having my parents take care of Daniel while I was in the hospital having Jared was one thing I didn't even stress about...I felt better that Mike could stay with me at the hospital, I felt better that Daniel was being taken care of and having fun and all of that stuff.  If my parents hadn't moved until, say, September or October, I might be in a different state of mind.

Moving on to childcare...yeah...that's bothering me once again, even though I go back and forth with how I feel about all of the different scenarios.  I grew to expect Mike to be with me at night in the hospital, and I keep telling myself that I'd be OK if he wasn't there overnight when the baby comes.  But there really is not a good scenario where that is a possibility.  I feel OK with it, in passing, because I've spent one night in the hospital alone already...but when the baby comes, it's a different scenario.

In any case, I'm finding that the "big" things that I'm stressing about are somehow interconnected, and it's hard not to dwell on one without dwelling on the others.  As I've mentioned before, I like to have a plan...I like to have the security in place, knowing what to expect, what's going to happen, and everything like that.  Even if, at this point, if I knew that I was going to have a baby a little early, at least I'd be able to prepare for that, just like I would prepare for a trip somewhere.  Maybe the universe will send me a sign... :)

Bedrest Part 2 - Days 3 through 6

Well, once again I find myself landing in slacker-ville and not posting a daily entry (it's a four-in-one now!).  The reasons are many, but include just being tired (always a good excuse, right?), Daniel's birthday (I wrote a post for him :) ), and being just out of sorts with the pregnancy hormones and all sorts of things going on around me.

Anyway, here goes!

Monday I can't say was too terribly eventful.  Unless it was eventful, and I just forgot.  In any case, Mike was home with me, the boys went to daycare, and that was that.

Tuesday was Daniel's birthday!  It was kind of fun convincing him that he was now FIVE (instead of four!), and he got to open a few more presents from Grandma and Grandpa Stone.  Part of me was a bit afraid that something dramatic could happen, and the baby could share a birthday with Daniel, but as the day went on, we were pretty confident that there would be no sharing of birthdays!

It was also a bit of a disheartening day, as one of the jobs that I would have loved to have worked at...I basically got shot down after their interview request (they asked if I could come for an interview, I told them about my status, and got shot down).  I know I should have expected it...as I keep saying, as much as everyone thinks that it isn't a big deal to try and find a job while pregnant...it is.  No one wants to hire a pregnant lady, even if they "say" that being pregnant bears no weight on their hiring practices/decisions.

Wednesday was doctor's appointment day!  I was a little bit disappointed (or rather, maybe, not as enthused by it) for a few reasons.  One was that since I'm off ibuprofen, I don't get the weekly ultrasounds.  I think both me and Mike looked forward to that, our little bonus or reward for hanging in there and coming every week.  Also sort of miss socializing with the ultrasound tech, but oh well.  The other thing that was kind of lacked enthusiasm was the appointment in general.  By that time in the morning, things were running kind of late, and I think the doctor was a bit rushed (he usually isn't...and doesn't talk so fast!).  I got the impression that there was no mention of the last hospital stay, and he kind of acted like business as usual (just another checkup!).  No cervix check, no repeat fFN test...the baby's heartbeat is just fine, but it's been fine all along, that's not putting me any more at ease.  Even with scheduling the next few weeks worth of visits...I wasn't really feeling all that enthusiastic.  I thrive on familiarity sometimes, and apparently things were so booked up that I got stuck with whoever...people I've never met before or even heard of.  The more of that that goes on, the more I feel like I could easily get lost in the system, especially if no one takes the time to read what's going on in my chart.

Well, enough about the appointment.  The next task on the list was to go and check out the 24/7 daycare that my mom told us about.  I had looked at the webpage, I knew where it was (across the street from my high school!) and all of that.  So Mike and I drive over there after the doctor's appointment (since we were already out) and the first thing he mentions is that the van looks kind of creepy.  Yeah, OK, not as nice as the transportation that our regular daycare has and uses, but it's not like they're going to be driving the kids around.  Playground outside looks pretty decent, so that was a good sign.  Then we go inside.  The layout is WAY different than what we're used to at daycares, with a lot more open rooms, having more "communal" bathrooms and all of that.

We asked how their drop in policy worked, and the lady there assured us that it would PROBABLY fit our situation (we'd need it if I went into labor in the middle of the night, and needed to drop the boys off somewhere).  She mentioned that without 48 hours notice (wha?) that we'd have to pre-pay when we thought the time was close.  I have no problem with the pre-pay, but I just didn't get an overly awesome vibe from that place.  So we took a registration packet anyway and left.

After talking about it a little more (because, honestly, this is one thing that is really rattling me a lot about going into labor...or even going into labor and not having the baby right away), we kind of figured out a tentative plan for things.  I think I'm good even with, at worst case, having to take the boys to the hospital in the middle of the night.  Ideally, what I'd love is to have a nanny service in place, so that I could call and they could come over within the hour and stay with the kids.  I'm still looking...but I'm feeling better about our plan B's...and C's...maybe D's too.

Last night was a bit rough for sleep and everything along those lines.  Baby was moving a LOT when I tried to sleep (and seemingly like a long duration of time).  Mike was up working half the night.  My lower back, again, was killing me.  In the evening, before I took the nifedipine (since it's "as needed", I waited until the previous dose had cleared out, just to see...and...well...that's not a good idea.  I had contractions as close as 8 minutes, lasting about 45 seconds).

So now to today!  Today is the 33 week mark!  Which means I need to add the obligatory ticker!  This morning greeted me with a little intestinal disturbance...I was warned that nifedipine couled cause constipation, so I've been making sure I drank extra water, ate some prunes, took the occasional stool softener.  Apparently that might have worked a little TOO well.  As a weird side effect (maybe?), I was also leaking some kind of fluid.  My mucus plug appears to be long since gone (haven't had a chunk or anything resembling since last week, right before the hospital stay).  I didn't think it was my water breaking (I have first hand experience with water breaking at home...), but called the doctor's office and they had me come in anyway.

At least it was just the doctor's office visit!  It wasn't amniotic fluid, and the sac appears to be still intact, so all of that was a relief.  The fluid had kind of a weird in between pH (from what I heard the nurse practitioner say, amniotic fluid turns the paper purple, urine/normal secretions make it stay more of a yellow).  The paper turned kind of a blue green though...so she had to double check by drying it on a slide, and that came back just fine.  I did get a prescription for something else (I'd rather not say, but it's another unfortunate pregnancy side effect), and she mentioned that there was a culture going out for something else, but didn't say what (infection maybe?).

And hereeeeee's the tickers...

Bedrest Part 2 - Days 1 and 2

I was just going back and forth about whether I should keep counting the days at home on bedrest starting where I left off, or just starting again.  So...starting again it is!

In any case, it's been 4 weeks and 4 days (32 days!) since everything "started" with the first hospital stay.  2 admissions to the hospital.  4 nights spent in the hospital. 28 nights home on bedrest, tonight being night number 29.  Sure...that math adds up somehow.  Just putting it into perspective for myself, I guess.

So the doctor made good on the promise that I'd only spend that one night in the hospital (Friday night), and be discharged Saturday morning.  With Mike being gone, and just having a bit more noise and whatnot going on around my room, I didn't sleep really that well.  I watched a little bit of TV on Netflix, then decided I was too tired for a second episode, so I tried to sleep a little after midnight.  Around 1:30am I was due for the next dose of nifedipine, and I had gotten up and unplugged myself from the contraction monitor around that time so I could use the bathroom.  The nurses did the vital check and blood pressure stuff, so I was a little more awake than I would have liked to be at that time of the night.  My blood pressure was close to the 90/60 cutoff (still low), but it was close enough that the nurses still gave it to me rather than waking me up in another half hour to try again.

After that, I slept until around 4, and, again, vitals checked, bathroom break, etc.  Finally, I was able to sleep from about 4 until I noticed the sun come up, and I was dozing from then until around 7:45.  Nurses came in again followed by Dr. Mayer.  Contractions slowed to 2 an hour overnight on nifedipine, and I was still at 4cm (which, no cervical change was the real goal there).  Dr. Mayer ordered an NST to check on the baby, and after breakfast, that was started.  The NST went well...I think even better than 4 weeks earlier, and I could hear the accelerations in heartbeat from time to time.

It ended up to be perfect timing for Mike and the boys to show up to take me home.  Armed with a nifedipine prescription (on an as-needed basis...due to my blood pressure being so wonky!), we got to go around 11am.  The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, but I slept like a rock that night!

---

Moving on to today.  My parents were set to come over today to drop off some food items that they're clearing out before the last part of the move.  It's also Daniel's birthday on Tuesday, so I made a cake last night and finished decorating it this morning.

My parents came about 3:30 or so, and did the usual visiting stuff.  There were probably a handful of times that I held back tears thinking of them being gone as of this coming Friday (just my mom mentioning certain things...I couldn't tell you what set me off).  We did Daniel's birthday cake and presents and before I knew it, it was time to say our goodbyes to my parents.

I really...and I mean REALLY tried hard not to lose it, but of course I did.  So there's my mom and I both sobbing...and just not being able to get words out (losing physical ability to talk!  ahh!).  In any case, I try to rationalize why I am having such a hard time with this, but I really can't.  If I think about it too much, it makes me just start tearing up even more.  I've been out of my parents house since I was 18 (give or take...spent one full summer at home with my parents in college, and visited on holidays and stuff), lived 2 hours away in a different city for several years and moved to a different state 1000 miles away for another 5 years before moving near them again.  Even then, it wasn't like I was seeing them every day or every week (or even sometimes every month).  And even with the possibility of us moving again to somewhere completely different is there...but THEM picking up and moving so far away has really gotten to me.  My mom was reminiscing about dropping me off at college, and going through the same kind of thing.

In the end...I know we all travel well, and we'll be seeing them soon.  It still just makes me wish that they weren't moving...at least not now.

So that rounds out the weekend!  The kids sacked out pretty hard (Jared too, he who did not nap today!), and I'm ready for another week to begin!

Hospital Stay - Round 2

Well, I spent almost four weeks out of the hospital, baking the wee one on bedrest at home and doing an OK job (I guess)...and then 32 weeks hit.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the magical 32 week mark came, and I could no longer take ibuprofen.  I was also taken off of strict bedrest.  In combination, that probably doomed me.  Even though I had been starting to feel a lot of the break-thru pain and contractions earlier in the week.  After the ibuprofen, I was feeling a lot more lower back pain (rhythmic even), and just owies in general (I won't elaborate, just because it's a way, way TMI thing).

So I called the office this morning to ask about the contractions, and the possible loss of the mucous plug (OK, so that might be TMI). No office visit, just right to OB triage.  But I figured that I had some time, so I waited for Mike to go with me (and got in a shower and stuff).  I could have driven myself, in theory and practice, but the last time I did that, I ended up not being able to drive back.  Call it superstition or some special Murphy's Law stipulation.

Anyway, Mike got home, we got on the road and got to the hospital around 1ish. Got all of the check-in paperwork done, and then we waited. Triage was filled to the gills! So we sat out in the waiting room (which we saw a bunch of other pregnant women either waiting, or several that were being sent home).  Given that I've been the way I've been for the morning and last night and so on, it wasn't a huge deal...unless something weird happened, I wasn't going to drop a baby in the lobby all of a sudden.

We got called back and after a little bit more of a wait, got hooked up to the fetal and contraction monitors.  As dumb luck would have it, no sooner than everything gets hooked up and readings start appearing...here comes a contraction.  Ha!  Quick cervix check and I'm at 4cm!  The nurse says that they'll monitor for about 10 minutes or so and come back.  That turned into more like an hour, where there were another couple of "big" contractions (still not painful, mind you) and a few more that neither Mike or I know whether they count or not.  Quick bathroom break for a urine sample (and general relief purposes!) and multiple attempts at blood pressure (wonky cuff!), and then a chat with the doctor.

So Dr. Mayer comes in and I reiterate the same story leading up.  Backing up, while waiting, they had ordered another dose of ibuprofen (which I'm fine with...the stuff is great and has been wonderful for random other pains, as I learned when I had to stop taking it!).  I also forgot to mention that along with ibuprofen, I got a shot of terbutaline.  They warned me that it might make my heart race and overall feel like I had about 100 cups of coffee...and it delivered!  After a few minutes, I was almost giggly, laughing at myself for how wired I felt.  But it did the trick, and contractions magically disappeared.  Anyway, we chatted with the doctor a bit more, and had the option of hanging out for just a little bit, with the promise that we'd have to come back tomorrow for a check and monitoring anyway, or keep me overnight and see how I react to the nifedipine.

I stayed...getting settled into a room a few doors down from the one I was in last time (Pod C on the 3rd floor again!)...and Mike left to get the boys and stay with them for the night.

At that point, the terbutaline was fizzling out and they were getting ready to give me the nifedipine (which is given every 6 hours).  The caveat to the latter is that it's a blood pressure lowering drug...and my blood pressure is usually on the low to good side.  It had to be at least 90/60 (for BOTH!) so that I didn't pass out or anything.  First check...nope.  Second check about 30 minutes later...100/55, so nope!  I got some food into me, got up to use the bathroom and they checked a 3rd time and that was the magic one!  I passed and got my pill a little after 7:15pm.  The time between the drugs had me clocking contractions 5 times.  OK, 5 times an hour not too bad I guess!

After doing a little video chat with the boys and all of that good stuff, I've just been hanging out.  Nifedipine is doing it's thing hopefully, and last report (it's been a while!) was 2 contractions per hour in the first 2 hours.

I guess as far as hiccups go, this is hopefully pretty benign and the next 4 weeks will be uneventful!

32 Weeks and Counting!

Well, I guess I've been slacking off once again on the blog posts.  But the past few days I guess I've been too tired to really be in the right mood to do it before bedtime.  And I'm lazy.  And did I mention tired?

So in the past few days, and probably last week, I've been way more tired than I have since this whole bedrest stuff started about four weeks ago.  I guess it's to be expected at this point in pregnancy, it's tremendously hot outside and with just being sedentary and all of that.  I almost feel like if I was on the go, that I might have more energy, but who knows.

With all of that, Monday and Tuesday I was having the occasional bouts of some pretty solid cramping, with the now-typical contractions coming at most a few times an hour.  But, as I've said before, they do come and go, and it isn't all the time (some hours there are none).  I've tried my best to eliminate any of the factors that could possibly contribute to any false labor contractions, such as making sure I'm hydrated, bladder empty, and so on and so forth.  The catch with the water thing is that in order to stay hydrated, I drink water all the time.  But it also makes it so I have to use the bathroom frequently too to keep my bladder empty, and the cycle continues.

Wednesday, doctor's appointment day and my favorite day of the week, was yesterday and things were changed up a little (as I knew they sort of would be).  The ultrasound to measure fluid levels went well (measuring 12cm of fluid, which is lower than the 18cm of last week, but it's to be expected that there are fluctuations, and the fluid decreases as the baby gets bigger).  Heart rate was 144, so good there too.  Then to the appointment (which, in the afternoon, they're always late...but oh well).  Got weighed (and 1lb down from last week...weird, especially considering that it was at the end of the day and had eaten not long before), blood pressure is still about 100/60 (which is great) and all of that good stuff.  No cervix check, so I'll assume it's just stayed the same at 3cm like it was last week.

Now, I said things would be "changed up a little" in the sense that I knew that I couldn't take ibuprofen anymore after 32 weeks (which, is today!).  But the doctor I saw (Dr. Hebets, hadn't seen her in the office since the sub-chorionic hemorrhage and at a regular check around 12 weeks...but did see her at the hospital) mentioned that nothing was going to replace the ibuprofen (both Mike and I sort of figured that), and also she didn't agree with total, strict bedrest doing any good.  So I'm free to leave the house, walk around the grocery store or Target or whatever.  Can also do light chores around the house...so that's pretty awesome!

So last night after cramping pretty hard most of the day (including twice where I had to stop for a few minutes and wait for the pain to subside), I took the last doses of ibuprofen and said a fond farewell...I'm kind of sad to not be able to take it (not that I want to take it every 6 hours!), but I like having the option to take it if I have a headache or something mundane.

Onto today...which is also the 4th of July...we hit the magical 32 week mark!  At least I was able to get up with the kids, do some dishes, do some laundry, and get some things cleaned up so we could place all of the furniture in it's new home.  There's still a LOT to do, but at least I can help out with that stuff now.

In the interest of having this entry flowith over with verbiage, which it already has, I'll end it here.  I figure I'll eventually get to a bunch of other stuff that's on my brain right now (that I'm seriously trying hard not to keep from upsetting myself with and just breaking down crying one of these times), but that's for another time.

Day 23 at Home

Sunday, June 30th
Three weeks, one day at home

So we've come to the end of June...pretty safe to say I won't be having a June baby!  In any case, the month of June has gone by slowly, and somewhat depressingly.  It didn't start off well (after having gotten marching orders at work)...got worse in the first week (hospitalized for 4 days), and everything has been in sort of a holding pattern for the remainder of the month.

Anyway, moving forward.  Today started out like the typical weekend day.  Although two of the cats started getting into it with each other right outside our bedrooms, waking up the kids.  Luckily, they went back to sleep, despite a good couple of minutes of Stat yowling at the top of his lungs.  Breakfast, television/computers/playing, Mike doing laundry, and so on and so forth.  Oh yeah, and it's really hot out.

I've also been noticing when I wake up in the morning after not having taken ibuprofen overnight that there's always a steady cramping when I wake up (and before the ibuprofen kicks in).  Things are still tight during the day, and depending on how I sit, the intensity of any contractions is different...still there, regardless.  But, on the good side, the number that I was really feeling all over today was less than the day before.

On the side of "weird", today I noticed these purple stretch mark things on the underside of my belly.  Mike had noticed the purple blotches and I remember him pointing them out to me, saying that they looked like bruises...but I hadn't seen them myself until I looked in the mirror.  They don't look like the white, usually thin and vertical stretch marks I've gotten before (these are much wider?).  If that's what these are...

Well, here's to another week...only a few more days until the magical 32 week mark!

Three Weeks at Home! T-minus 2 months until D-Day!

Saturday, June 29th
Three weeks on bedrest, two months until due date (31w2d)

Well, today was only mildly interesting because it was excessively hot outside and it's all most people can think about.  Kids got up this morning (8:30ish), and I sort of laid in bed while Daniel picked out whatever he wanted to watch.  Yeah, I was tired...I haven't been terribly tired since the whole bedrest thing began, but this week I have been moreso, for whatever reason.  I even fell asleep watching TV (which is typically like me anyway, but I haven't fallen asleep unintentionally in the middle of a show).

Anyway, because it was so hot, we figured the pool would be good, and going earlier rather than later would be a wise choice as well.  So we went out...and the pavement was REALLY hot, and it was just warm in the pool in general, although it did cool us off.  After that came showers/baths and lunch, then settling in to more hanging out around the house.

I'm really trying hard to stay as hydrated as possible, and Mike bought these water bottles with a built in filter to use (I have a really big 1L/32oz-ish cup from the hospital that I use too).  Of course, Daniel likes to drink whenever and whatever I am, so he was using the bathroom a lot.  So was I, but he really was.  In any case, despite good hydration (I like to try and take that out of the equation), my belly has been just kind of sore and tight.  I probably had one solid contraction an hour that I managed to note since about 1pm.  By solid, I mean lasting 30-45 seconds, and tightening my whole belly.  I still get some lower back cramps, but I didn't keep track of those today.

So, the heat is getting to me, even if I'm hanging out indoors 99% of the time.

In any case, with today being the 29th, that means it's two months until baby's due date!  When you look at things in terms of how many months pregnant you are, it distorts it a little bit.  Most people, when they ask how far along you are, they give you a weird look when you give the weeks though.  It's the presumption that a month lasts 4 weeks (which, unless we're talking February in a non-leap year, it's more than 4 weeks).  Also the weird thing that pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, but technically the first two weeks the baby hasn't been conceived.  Lastly, pregnancy isn't exactly 9 months, yet I've heard plenty of parents mention how they are 9 months pregnant in those last couple of weeks.  So, my point being, I don't like saying that I'm "7 months pregnant" or anything like that.  But it is still technically 2 months until the baby's due date...

That was an odd tangent, but I'll end this with another ticker!

Days 20 and 21 at Home

I'm getting into the habit of slacking off a bit and doing these "one post, two days" type entries...it's like I'm losing steam or something here and pretty soon it might just be a "one post, one week" entry.  Let's hope not!

Anyway, here's the past two days, pre-weekend.

Thursday, June 27th
Day 20 on bedrest - 31 weeks!

I should have taken the time to do this entry yesterday...since it's another big milestone, but I didn't.  I was seriously, SERIOUSLY tired, and it actually got me into trouble (D'OH!)...well, not in the way you think.

So I decided to try an experiment yesterday, and keep a running list of all of my aches and pains and what not, no matter how insignificant, even noting things like baby movement just to have handy.  I didn't actually get this started until about 11am, and I was actually doing OK around that time.  Most of the notes I made were pretty lame, and a bunch of them were just noting where I was feeling the baby move.

I had sent an email off to my boss (asking for job related advice) and was just waiting to hear back.  I closed my eyes, and that was it...I was out.  Yup, I was tired.  So I doze in and out, checking my screen every once in a while when I hear the odd beep or something.  I see a note or two from Mike...and then it dawns on me to check my phone (which was sitting right by me).  I've been hugely diligent up until this point to make sure my phone is near me and plugged in, and the days that Mike's in the office, he's said that if I don't answer the phone after x amount of time that he's coming home, for fear that something is wrong.  And well...too late...he was on his way home.

I.feel.like.ass.  Seriously, how did I not realize he was calling like 6 times?  And I'm freaking him out because I'm not answering an email/text that he sent.  Major.fail.

Anyway, that little fail kind of put me into guilt overload.  Doesn't really do a whole lot for my desire to just fall asleep and stay that way (which, obviously, I can't).

Now for a completely different stress inducing thing.  Back to Tuesday (I think), I get a call from someone in hospital billing at around 3:20pm.  I didn't answer it, but I got the voice message...the jist of it is that she mentioned having a balance on my account from my last hospital visit (they make it sound like being a patient in the hospital is like a trip to the Bahamas or something when they word it that way!)...and she wondered if I wanted to take care of that over the phone before it got sent to a COLLECTION AGENCY.  What?!  Huh?! I haven't even as so much gotten a bill from them (I have looked up the explanation of benefits online from the insurance company, which lists how much they are processing and what my share is with deductible and so on) and not to mention it hasn't even been three weeks since I got out of the hospital and they are threatening collections?!  I try calling them back, but of course the person who called is only there until 3:30pm.  Once again, I try way before 3:30pm, but only get voice mail.  Now it's way past that, coming into the weekend...and it's stressing me out!

But...on the good side of things...we made it to 31 weeks!

And here we go onto today...

Friday, June 28th
Day 21 on bedrest at home

Before I start typing things out about how my day is going, I sometimes make a list of things that I could mention and how I'd categorize them.  This week the category is definitely something along the lines of "things that have stressed me out or caused worry".  A lot of it just has to do with my own reaction to these things, all of the pregnancy hormones rushing through my system and what not (yeah, blame it on the hormones...that is the best excuse ever!).  So today, while not a huge stress, does sort of weigh on me a bit.

Furniture.  Forget if I've mentioned, but my parents have sold their house and are moving out of state in the coming weeks.  Yes, it's fast.  Yes, it's stressing me out, for a multitude of reasons.  Back when they were in the "planning" stages, way before their house ever went up on the market, they'd said that they planned on ditching much of the furniture that they had and trying to be as minimalist as possible when they moved.  So we knew we were due to acquire a few things like couches, the dresser from my bedroom, a treadmill, a desk and so on.  Fast forward to today...it arrived!  In the span of under two hours, movers quickly popped everything into a truck at my parents house, took the quick drive over here and unloaded even more quickly.

Anyway, reasons this gets to me are many, many fold.  First of all, it means that my parents are REALLY moving away.  Faster and sooner than I thought.  Second, with me not being able to really go anywhere, I'm probably not ever going to step foot in that house again, which bums me out (add that to an as-yet-to-be-written potential blog post of "Things I am Missing Out On").  Third, and somewhat minor, is just having to re-organize the new home for all of the stuff we've acquired.  It really does take everything within me to not just go over and start trying to move things, just because I want them in a place.

Well, I always seem to end these posts, or try to, on a good note.  I got a call from the doctor's office today and the fetal fibronectin test came back...NEGATIVE!  Call me happily surprised!  But, it doesn't really change a whole lot right now since I'm still 3cm dilated with a pretty darn short cervix.  Today was kind of an uncomfortable way, even though I wasn't really having a ton of contractions.  Or maybe I just try to ignore them, who knows.

And with that...time for the weekend!